Hey, it's been a while. School started. Deal with it! I brought a friend to ease the pain. Let's take another look into the female psyche.
That's What She Said:
Maggie on Assassin's Creed 2
Salute, my name is Maggie and I’ll be your narrator for my adventures playing Assassin’s Creed 2. Welcome to Venice! The best parts of this game, though they hardly need stating, are the prostitutes. Those wily felines, who boldly sell their wares in open, broad daylight, taunt Ezio with bright doe-like eyes and seductive giggles. Truly, the Renaissance was a marvelous time when ponderous bosoms and rail-thin waists accounted for 100% of women who could only survive by selling their bodies to raucous sailors. Furthermore, whoever decided to train all prostitutes in effective methods of covert subterfuge and evasion was truly ahead of his time and should be immortalized in song.
Now, as my boyfriend had previously beaten the game, Ezio was outfitted in his finest regalia, which can best be described as a pimp suit (for those of you who do not see where were going, look up the term ‘foreshadowing’ then go back and reread paragraph one, if you follow, proceed with paragraph two). After quickly consulting my boyfriend on how to hire these ladies of the night, I abandoned my life of murder, assassination, and violent outbursts of Italian emotion for a second career: megapimp.
I found a collection of lowly, alley-dwelling strumpets and brought them into my world. With my hoes in toe, I meandered around the rich districts of the city attempting to make some coin with my fair ladies. However, it quickly became apparent that my selected batch were a lazy and frivolous group. I was saddened that these girls, to whom I had given everything, were unwilling to repay me in the modest ways which I demanded. On the brink of existential crisis, I realized that all they needed was simple discipline.
Thanks to the miracle of the weapon-switching button, the moment one of my girls refused to work, she received an open-palmed slap to the face the likes of which shook the foundation of her core. In good time, my ladies were on all the street corners, sweet talking the men who walked by. They brought me cash faster than I could recklessly gamble it away.
Over time my role evolved from enforcer to protector. My night prowlers engaged in a difficult profession, which was often wrought with danger. To ensure a steady cash flow, it was necessary to ensure the safety of my product, which meant laying down the law on anyone forward enough to harm my ladies. If anyone so much as glared at the prostitutes, they were unceremoniously disemboweled and left to bleed out in the street.
Some have since commented that I did more damage to my employees by letting them see such a traumatic and vicious killing than if I had allowed men to whistle and holler at them. To this I reply that the guards who inevitable arrived shortly thereafter surely caused more damage as they attempted to subdue me for my criminal offenses. Their arrows would fly in all directions, though they were generally aimed at me. Fortunately, I had the good sense to use my prostitutes as body shields to protect myself from such horrors.
In the end, my experiment with prostitution ended in failure. All my employees left me due to fear, mental instability, and untimely death. However, if I learned anything from the rehabilitation of Monteriggioni, it is that entrepreneurs like myself are never unemployed, simply in between ventures. As such, I have no doubt that something new will come to me eventually.
My take:
Uh... I don't know what to say to this. Half of what she's talking about isn't possible within the game, nevermind the fact that hiring prostitutes comprises approximately 3% of the entire game. I went halfway through without even realizing I could use them.
This game is pretty great but I personally liked the first one better. A lot of people hated it for being repetitive but I appreciated it as a period version of Hitman, another great game. Assassin's Creed II plays more like "Super Hero for Hire: The Game" since you spend more of your time saving random women stranded on islands (how'd they get there in the first place, you ask? Excellent question!) and racing after pickpockets to get back stolen money than actually ASSASSINATING ANYONE! Doesn't make any sense to me. There are some great parts. I love the DaVinci Code/National Treasure style incorporation of art and history into the game. The museum lover in me actually enjoys looking at the Renaissance era paintings and reading about the history "involving the assassins." Also, since you're not a sole assassin but a man with a family seeking revenge there's an emotional sub-story that makes everything more important. Still... the first game really allowed you to set up assassinations and feel like the master planner of the perfect assassination. This one makes all the assassinations more sloppy. I actually prefer all the free running sections like the tomb raiding areas better. Eh, to each his own.
Uh, never heard of this game? It plays like GTA but in Italy about 600 years ago. ...cool.
Here's a video showing how prostitutes were MEANT to be used along with some free running, evasion and an assassination. Whoever was playing during the recording is not to great so some of the free running seems jerkier than it is. Also, some of the game seems to start and stop or have frame rate issues, it's the editor taking out all the cut-scenes to avoid copyright infringement.
No demo but there's 2 extra chapters of story that I believe were originally a part of the game's story but were ranked due to time restraints. They offer some fun challenges and great, yet unnecessary, story plot twists. You can download those on Xbox Live Marketplace or at Xbox.com.
