Da Vinci Was An Assassin's Best Friend

Hey, it's been a while. School started. Deal with it! I brought a friend to ease the pain. Let's take another look into the female psyche.

That's What She Said:
Maggie on Assassin's Creed 2

   Salute, my name is Maggie and I’ll be your narrator for my adventures playing Assassin’s Creed 2. Welcome to Venice! The best parts of this game, though they hardly need stating, are the prostitutes. Those wily felines, who boldly sell their wares in open, broad daylight, taunt Ezio with bright doe-like eyes and seductive giggles. Truly, the Renaissance was a marvelous time when ponderous bosoms and rail-thin waists accounted for 100% of women who could only survive by selling their bodies to raucous sailors. Furthermore, whoever decided to train all prostitutes in effective methods of covert subterfuge and evasion was truly ahead of his time and should be immortalized in song.
   Now, as my boyfriend had previously beaten the game, Ezio was outfitted in his finest regalia, which can best be described as a pimp suit (for those of you who do not see where were going, look up the term ‘foreshadowing’ then go back and reread paragraph one, if you follow, proceed with paragraph two). After quickly consulting my boyfriend on how to hire these ladies of the night, I abandoned my life of murder, assassination, and violent outbursts of Italian emotion for a second career: megapimp.
   I found a collection of lowly, alley-dwelling strumpets and brought them into my world. With my hoes in toe, I meandered around the rich districts of the city attempting to make some coin with my fair ladies. However, it quickly became apparent that my selected batch were a lazy and frivolous group. I was saddened that these girls, to whom I had given everything, were unwilling to repay me in the modest ways which I demanded. On the brink of existential crisis, I realized that all they needed was simple discipline.
Thanks to the miracle of the weapon-switching button, the moment one of my girls refused to work, she received an open-palmed slap to the face the likes of which shook the foundation of her core. In good time, my ladies were on all the street corners, sweet talking the men who walked by. They brought me cash faster than I could recklessly gamble it away.
   Over time my role evolved from enforcer to protector. My night prowlers engaged in a difficult profession, which was often wrought with danger. To ensure a steady cash flow, it was necessary to ensure the safety of my product, which meant laying down the law on anyone forward enough to harm my ladies. If anyone so much as glared at the prostitutes, they were unceremoniously disemboweled and left to bleed out in the street.
   Some have since commented that I did more damage to my employees by letting them see such a traumatic and vicious killing than if I had allowed men to whistle and holler at them. To this I reply that the guards who inevitable arrived shortly thereafter surely caused more damage as they attempted to subdue me for my criminal offenses. Their arrows would fly in all directions, though they were generally aimed at me. Fortunately, I had the good sense to use my prostitutes as body shields to protect myself from such horrors.
In the end, my experiment with prostitution ended in failure. All my employees left me due to fear, mental instability, and untimely death. However, if I learned anything from the rehabilitation of Monteriggioni, it is that entrepreneurs like myself are never unemployed, simply in between ventures. As such, I have no doubt that something new will come to me eventually.

My take:
   Uh... I don't know what to say to this. Half of what she's talking about isn't possible within the game, nevermind the fact that hiring prostitutes comprises approximately 3% of the entire game. I went halfway through without even realizing I could use them.
   This game is pretty great but I personally liked the first one better. A lot of people hated it for being repetitive but I appreciated it as a period version of Hitman, another great game. Assassin's Creed II plays more like "Super Hero for Hire: The Game" since you spend more of your time saving random women stranded on islands (how'd they get there in the first place, you ask? Excellent question!) and racing after pickpockets to get back stolen money than actually ASSASSINATING ANYONE! Doesn't make any sense to me. There are some great parts. I love the DaVinci Code/National Treasure style incorporation of art and history into the game. The museum lover in me actually enjoys looking at the Renaissance era paintings and reading about the history "involving the assassins." Also, since you're not a sole assassin but a man with a family seeking revenge there's an emotional sub-story that makes everything more important. Still... the first game really allowed you to set up assassinations and feel like the master planner of the perfect assassination. This one makes all the assassinations more sloppy. I actually prefer all the free running sections like the tomb raiding areas better. Eh, to each his own.
   Uh, never heard of this game? It plays like GTA but in Italy about 600 years ago. ...cool.

Here's a video showing how prostitutes were MEANT to be used along with some free running, evasion and an assassination. Whoever was playing during the recording is not to great so some of the free running seems jerkier than it is. Also, some of the game seems to start and stop or have frame rate issues, it's the editor taking out all the cut-scenes to avoid copyright infringement.


   No demo but there's 2 extra chapters of story that I believe were originally a part of the game's story but were ranked due to time restraints. They offer some fun challenges and great, yet unnecessary, story plot twists. You can download those on Xbox Live Marketplace or at Xbox.com.

Milo: Babysitter Trainer or Pervert's Delight?

   I find that often times what draws me to a game is not the same thing that draws my girlfriend. Headshots, zombies and gore may not strike my girlfriend as particularly engaging BUT that won't stop her from spending hours customizing her mercenary's mask, much to my chagrin... I found this video of the Fable series creator Peter Molyneux's new game, Milo. Built to take full advantage of the Xbox's new camera, Kinect, which allows players to interact with their games in much the same way as the Wii (but arguably in a much more interesting way), Milo follows the story of a young boy who has recently moved to a new town and is having problems adjusting. You essentially play as a figment of Milo's imagination, there to aid him in his troubles.

    Most of this is explained in the video, but what really got my attention was the different ways men and women interacted with Milo. This video is a demo of the first ten minutes of the game, to which Molyneux is giving a presentation. Most of the video is regarding the game itself but Molyneux speaks, at times, about the different interactions men and women have with Milo. Very interesting. I'm done repeating the words men, women, different, interesting and Milo. Here's the video:



   I always get excited when I find games that look like they'll further the acceptance of gaming as a culture. This one looks like a contender to me. What's a game that you see as a vehicle for mass acceptance? Why?

Other Things Rock Beats Besides Scissors

Ok! As fun as art house, thinking man's, puzzle games are, ENOUGH! I feel saturated by all one of those games I've focused on. Time to move onto something a bit more accessible.

Why Can't We Be Friends?:
Rock Band, Rock Band 2, The Beatles: Rock Band and Green Day: Rock Band
Did I just blow your mind? Yeah, I'm writing about four games but they're all part of the same series AND most of the songs from each game can be played on the other games. The beauty of this game is you don't use a regular (read: boring!) controller to play. There's a guitar controller to play guitar, a microphone to sing, a bass guitar to play bass and drum peripherals for... well, yeah, drums. A team of four can play through a career or just pick up and play in Quick Play songs. The Beatles and Green Day are more specialized games (obviously), so if you buy these ones you're getting a very specific sound. Green Day consists of Dookie, American Idiot and, their new album, 21st Century Breakdown, along with 8 other hits. The Beatles features a broader range of songs from their whole career with three downloadable albums: Abbey Road, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and Rubber Soul. One nice feature on these games that isn't on either Rock Band 1 or 2 (though will be available in the upcoming third entry) is three part harmonies. In Green Day, the harmonies are fun and easy to jump into so it's possible to play an instrument on an easier difficulty and sing back up with your friends. The Beatles are a little more complex and require a lot of concentration. But if you can sing and play that game, more power to you. Rock Band (1 & 2) features 56 and 84 songs (respectively) on the disc and over 1,500 songs to download. If you can't find a band you don't like on their service you probably listen to yodeling and you have NO business playing this game. They have songs from the sixties and songs that haven't even come out yet (bands have been known to release singles and entire albums ahead of time on Rock Band or day and date with their albums). Every genre of rock music you'd want: rock, metal, prog rock, alt. rock, punk, country, emo, blues, jam bands, even ska! They've also got entire albums of certain bands including Rush, The Who, No Doubt, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Iron Maiden, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters, and there's even a strong rumor that Metallica's Puppet Master will show up soon. There are several difficulty levels to ease players in as well as a no fail mode, which is fairly self explanatory. There are also a lot of peripherals you can buy if you really want to get into the game including cymbals for the drums, a specialized bass guitar that allows two finger up strumming and a fog and light machine that replicates a staged show. I own all of these and can GUARANTEE their awesomeness! This game is great for groups because 4 players (up to 6 on The Beatles and Green Day) can play together and with the huge song list there's bound to be songs, artists, or entire albums you love to hear and are even more fun to play. There's also a real sense of teamwork as you can all activate Overdrive simultaneously to get a big score multiplier or use your overdrive to save a band mate who missed too many notes and got kicked off stage. Also, each instrument has its own role: the guitar has solos, the drums have fills you can improvise on and solos, the bass gives you a 6x multiplier as the supporting instrument and vocals allow you to add any kind of rock growls you want between lyrics. Honestly, why are you still reading this? Buy it now. Buy it NOW!!

Here's Welcome Home by Coheed & Cambria on Rock Band 2:



American Idiot on Green Day: Rock Band (The "Woo"s are the singer activating Overdrive):



And Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise) on The Beatles: Rock Band:



The dlc is so numerous I can't link all of it. I CAN, however, link you to list a of all the officially available artists and a list of the (mostly) indie bands that put themselves on Rock Band with a few exceptions like Third Eye Blind and Steve Vai. There's also a demo of Green Day: Rock Band available on Marketplace if you're interested.

Back Seat Gaming: Less Annoying Than Being Stuck in Traffic

Here's a treat. Something I'm excited for and hopefully you are too. Solid evidence that all this works (go ahead, try and disprove it!). Just because she doesn't read this, doesn't mean she doesn't exist. ...or care. ...I'm pretty sure she loves me. Here is this weeks...

That's What She Said:
KS (my girlfriend!) on LIMBO
So, let me start off my saying that I NEVER watch Aidan play video games. With that said, he just downloaded this new game called Limbo, which is REALLY cool. He started it and I was really intrigued by the art style, so I continued watching. Beginning the game, you have NO idea what it's about, its purpose, the control buttons--anything. It's dark and scary but also totally awesome. Even though this game isn't technically co-op, Aidan and I play it as if it was. He plays while I watch and we both try to figure out the puzzle-like problems that present themselves to our little boy. We watch out for bear-traps, evil spiders, and mischievous mechanical equipment while trying to climb chains, ladders, and boxes to get where we want. I am not normally a video game person, and would really never choose to play on my own, but this game is really amusing and I love the style of it. It's also very fun to be a backseat gamer :)

My take:
Like she said, this isn't a co-op game (though not everything she said is factual. Why would she lie and say she wouldn't play games if it weren't for me?...) but it is an amazingly fascinating game! She's dead on in the description. It's all in black and white and follows the story of a boy traveling through Limbo to find his sister. You don't know anything else. How she got there, how you followed her, what this place is. These are all questions that, as far as my play through has been going, aren't answered. But instead of bogging down the player with back story and trying to make sense of the scenario just tasks you with the sole goal of your rescue. The art style is amazing, the puzzles are usually complex and physics based so it doesn't require secret know how, just a knowledge of how gravity and friction work and the ability to think several steps ahead. Despite no dialogue, music or narrative of any kind, the game is very engaging and you genuinely care for the little boy and his plight. Again, not a great choice for your girlfriend since it's not co-op and the game throws you in with no tutorial or explaination of how the game'll play. Still, it's engaging and the puzzles may require two heads. At least that's better than one.

This may be a little enigmatic but the art style alone warrants a purchase. Watch three seconds of this video and then buy it. BUY IT!:



You may purchase this fine product for $15 through your Xbox Live Marketplace or on Xbox.com.

Candy Pun... I'm Very Tired

Who wants to place bets on whether I'll have something for you tomorrow or not? Do I hear $5? $5? Do I hear $10!?

Make-Up Sets:
Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise
This game comes in a very deceptive package. On the outside it's all cutesy animals (technically, pinatas) and gardening. BUT! The game borrows a lot from Animal Crossing and Pokemon. The premise is: you have a garden. A real piece of work at first, but as you start clearing out the debre and planting different flowers and vegetables you attract various wild pinatas to your plot of land. There's a HUGE variety of pinatas to encounter (a bunny, a horse, a snake, some birds, a bear, some bugs... you get the idea), get to know and learn about and each of those species has different needs too. Some require specific plant life to be present in your garden, some need a certain amount of water or sand, some need other pinatas as friends or food. As you capture pinatas you may name them whatever you like, build homes for them, dress them up and then breed them! Once you establish yourself you may go into town and visit the shops, the pinata hunters, the builders and start selling your garden. Give it a name and a symbol so people know about it. The point of the game is to discover. Attract all the varying pinata life to your garden, grow delicious harvests and accept challenges from the locals (these run the gamut from "Capture me this pinata!" to "Breed me a few of those pinatas!"). As co-op partners, you're both able to plant seeds, water the plants, and care for the pinatas. I can't speak for co-op over Live but same screen co-op limits player two's interactions by not allowing them to access the stores, so no buying or building. But they have other abilities, one called "Magic" which I still don't understand that seems to make whatever you use it on... better. Yeah, better. ...it's fun. Check it out!

Here's a clip of someone visiting various gardens. You'll get a chance to see the different ways players set up their gardens and the many pinatas they've tamed. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any of the farming aspects or purchasing new seeds or equipment:



This game's a bit harder to find but you can purchase this virtual, candy-filled Eden on Amazon.com for $20
or Buy.com for $15. If you're still unsure of a purchase there's a free demo you can download through your Xbox Dashboard or on Xbox.com. Enjoy!

Ok! ...My Bad.

So... I haven't exactly been the epitome of responsible with this blog. ... my bad. So, I left you all hanging last week with a competitive game. So, THIS week I'm going to (attempt to) redeem myself with two cooperative games. By the way, did anyone get my almost nonsensical, poorly conceived double entendre last time? In case you missed it, here it is again:

Make-Up Sets: (Haha!)
Castle Crashers
This is a stylish cartoon brawler available on XBLA. It allows four players to play as adorable little knights on a quest to save four adorable little princesses (all wearing corresponding colors) and to save the kingdom from a nasty (yet still cute) gang of villains. Each knight has a unique weapon and a special set of magic. The blue knight controls ice, red fire, orange lightning and green poison. On your quest you discover new items such as improved weapons, a bow and arrow, a shovel for digging up hidden items, a boomerang, and more. There are also animals throughout the game you may capture and tame that give you different bonuses: a giraffe allows you to jump higher, a sea horse allows you to sprint through water, and a giant floating eyeball shoots lasers ...so there's that. As you progress you level up your character in several different areas: strength, defense, speed and magic. All this customization gives you the chance to create a unique playing style that works for you. What's great about the game is that it hides a lot of depth in simple, accessible gameplay. For the most part, the game plays like a beat em up. Mash the X and Y buttons and you'll get far in the game. Learn how to block, when to use your magic, and how to use teamwork and you'll get even farther. And you'll do it faster. With more... flair. All this accessibility and it's incredibly funny. It's a very charming world with delightful characters and the levels are short if your lady friend doesn't like long stints of gaming. One problem is that the game is designed for 2-4 player co-op which is great for date night but not as fun when she goes to bed and you want to play "just one more level" (lies beget more lies, guys). Also, when there are four players on screen the action can get a bit chaotic.

Here's a clip of the first level showing four player action, leveling up, the animals, weapon swapping, two bosses and the humor. Oh shit! Did I mention the humor?!



You can download the game on your Xbox for $15 or download the trial on Xbox.com. It's worth every penny. Trust me. There's also two pieces of dlc available that offers new characters, weapons and animals that are also available on Xbox.com.

Who Is... About To Throw A Tantrum If They Don't Win The Next Round!?

Hi, KS! How's your blog going? I'm trying to keep most vagrants off my site. It's working like a charm so far. Guess what I'm writing about today?

Let's Get It On!:
Scene It!: Box Office Smash
This may sound strange... stay with me. Scene It is a movie trivia game that's as fun as it is intense. The game comes with four special controllers that work like game show buzzers and allow you and up to three friends to plow through several rounds, each consisting of different types of questions revolving around (duh!) movie trivia. One question type shows you a picture from a movie and has you identify what prop or person is missing from the photo. Another shows high school photos of popular actors and actresses and gives you the task of guessing who they are. Another shows you four movies with a common theme (a particular actor, era, genre) and has you rearrange them in the order they came out. Some of them require you to buzz in and answer and some allow everyone to answer before a timer runs out. There are three rounds, the last of which involves 5 questions, and after each correct answer you gain a mutliplier (2x, 5x, 10x). This can really alter scores before the end of the game and tempers flare because of it. Many a night my friends and I gather around the tv to start an enjoyable night together and find the evening ending in screams and curses. It's not just enough to have seen a lot of movies though. Some show clips of movies and require an attentive eye for details. Others require you to be good at anagrams. Others just require fast reflexes. This makes it fun even for those who don't frequent the theatre. The one thing that makes the game drag a little is the narrators. Their... "personalities" are a bit hokey. But, with three friends in the room, they're easy to make fun of and ignore.

Here's a round of "Name That Sketch":



And here's another fun game. Don't remember what it's called:



"Name the Invisibles"! I mentioned this before:



You can find this overlooked gem with the buzzers at Amazon.com for $29.95 or purchase the game solo at NewEgg.com for $19.99. There's also dlc that adds 800 new questions about award winning movies and a new puzzle mode called Pop Quiz. It's selling for $7.50 on Xbox Live Marketplace.

Grand Theft Auto Minus... Any Sort of Crime Whatsoever

Oh my gosh! A pretty girl is writing on my blog again! (drool...) Well... sort of. Not really.

That's What She Said:
My buddy Lefty on his girlfriend Maggie's play style in Grand Theft Auto IV
The only time I ever drove at an appropriate speed in GTA IV was moments after brutally murdering the owner of, and then stealing, the Banshee. I had yet to mar the pristine outer body and there were no scratches or scars anywhere to be found. For those shining seconds, I could pretend to be a Liberty City high roller instead of a degenerate Eastern European with a ‘special’ cousin. However, the moment my Banshee received the inevitable, accidental scratch, it was pedal to the metal until I careened into a Jersey barrier at 185, launched out of my windshield at multiple Gs, and received a merciless beating by the police before being arrested for murder.
All of this is the long-winded set up to my girlfriend’s (Ed. note: Maggie)first experience with Niko and Liberty City. After coming over and seeing me desperately trying to outrun a helicopter on foot (an event I passed off as extreme training for the Liberty City Marathon) she realized my invitation for dinner and a movie was really clever boyfriend-speak for “I am playing video games”. Accepting the plight of her situation, she informed me that it was her turn to play. I gave her the reins and explained the controls whereupon I left to get a tasty beverage. When I returned, I expected to find her pinned between a building and a SWAT van while police arrester her for T-boning a minivan going 135 (my usual M.O.).
To my shock, she was waiting in her car at a red light (something I had yet to notice while playing). When the light turned green, she gently accelerated and took what can best be described as a completely street legal turn onto another road. She followed the flow of traffic, drove defensively, and kept her hands on the 10 and 2 positions of her controller. How she knew the road would eventually lead to a clothing shop I will never know (perhaps genetics or just her finely-tuned feminine sensibilities). Nevertheless, she preceded to buy the most expensive clothing, transforming Niko from a drunken, slovenly pariah into an upstanding, even dapper, young man.
After this she got back into the car she arrived in (another feature of which I was totally ignorant) and preceded to respectfully, even politely, head home. She slowed down at tolls to pay the correct amount, and lightly hit the breaks when ‘some asshole’ cut her off. Indeed, the only moment she lost her cool was when my in-game love interest called, wanting to go on a date, which I made her do. The humor of going on a virtual date with a fake woman instead of a real date with a real woman was apparently lost on my girlfriend. Throughout this entire experience, it felt as though I was watching a whole new game. Sure, the city looked the same, and the people acted the same, but there were subtle differences. While she played there was much less terrified screaming, wailing sirens, and booming gunshots.
As she drove by a police car, the officers seemed to smile at her, even gave her friendly waves. This was a far cry from the tense feeling in my stomach I got when I drove by the ‘po’. Surprisingly, my girlfriend enjoyed this version of GTA IV, and talks about it to this day. She enjoyed the immersion in a different world, and all the fun, albeit mundane, things that could be done in a game as complex and expansive as GTA IV. For experienced gamers, these things are often overlooked in favor of the cheats that give you helicopters and RPGs. However, they are nonetheless visually and aesthetically impressive. Sometimes it just takes a different perspective to notice it.

My take:
Um... I guess you can play GTA IV like the Sims, if that's what you're into. I played halfway through this and didn't really get into the story but found some of the missions fun. When MY girlfriend plays GTA (read: once in a blue moon) there ARE a trail of bodies in her wake. Not that she lasts long but... I guess this is the kind of game that's so big and open it's everything to everyone. You can delve into the story (me), blow off some deep seated steam (for whatever I did, I'm sorry baby...) or... go shopping. I want to say that's cool but... no, I guess that's pretty cool. There's plenty of crime but there are also dating sim "missions", clothing shops, mini games involving pool, darts and a tetris like game. I wouldn't buy this game for your girlfriend to try with this in mind, however. Few women will enjoy playing as a disgusting, morally ambiguous illegal immigrant as they try on a new pair of slacks. Just take this as a healthy dose of hope that sometimes our girlfriends can and will surprise us and share enthusiasm in the games we play. Just, perhaps not in the way we expect.

Here's a clip of Maggie's play style (I wouldn't watch more than 2 minutes of this):



And here's the rest of the world's (please excuse the quality):



There's some great dlc for this game and though it's expensive for dlc ($20 each) they're both totally worth it.

So, here's a question, what do YOU think is wrong with Maggie? Is it something a frontal lobotomy could possibly cure? That or how do you play GTA IV? Or is there a game you play other than the way it was "intended" to be played?

Boom Boom Boom Boom

Does anyone read this? ...hello? ...it's so cold. Let's get cozy again and play a set of...

Make-Up Sets:
Splosion Man
This game is really... demented. You play as a science experiment that's essentially a man made of fire. Your mission is to escape the labs in which you were created by... sploding. There are six buttons in this game and they all make your character "splode." When you splode you bounce off the ground and it works like a jump. You can splode three times before you have to recharge, so essentially you can triple jump. The controls are very simple so jumping in is very easy to do (Oh ho! JUMPING PUN!). The trick is all the booby traps and security safe gaurds the scientists have put up to keep you from leaving. The game is a mix of puzzle solving and platforming and requires fast timing and smart thinking. AND there's 4 player coop, which is TRUELY demented because if your game plays out at all like the ones in our apartment everyone just starts blowing up all over the screen and it's hard to tell what's... actually happening. ...to be fair, my room mates drink. She'll enjoy the cute characters, the silly humor and the fact that you trust her with a game that doesn't involve shooting everyone you meet. You'll also enjoy using your brains together instead of just your skill.

Here's a clip of the first level. Orange doesn't quite get it...



But after some practice, you and your partner will eventually be pulling off feats like this...



This XBLA game is $10 and worth every penny.
So, what's your favorite game that ever made you think? In any way. Even if the thought was, "Why am I playing this?"

The Secret Phrase is... "With Guns"

So, who's enjoying the infrequent posts? I'm going for the same marketing scheme as Disney with the Disney vault. Just release nothing for a stretch and then "open the doors for a limited time." Pretty sweet, right? I'm thinking this'll double my viewership. With that in mind, welcome newbies! The 4 of you will fit right in. Let's get back in the swing with...

Let's Get It On!:
Small Arms
Small Arms is an XBLA game that plays like Super Smash Brothers, but with guns. Twelve cuddley, genetically modified characters lay waste to each other on various terrains such as the sewers, the moon, a moving train, even floating in the middle of a tornado. Most of the levels have neat little effects like two buttons that, when hit simulatenously, lock off a portion of the map and fill it with lethal gas or trap doors that open up and shoot you down to a lower level. ...or you're fighting in a tornado! The fighters you can pick from have a lot of character too. One's a former Mexican mutant-wrestler chicken named Pector El Pollo. Another, named Professor Von Brown, is a scientist whom, after a freak teleportation accident, had his head replaced with a bag of flaming dog poo. Kind of demented but very funny and all cute (They don't actually show the poo so... they're at least cute looking). Each of these characters have a different gun with two firing modes that you'll need to get more ammo for as the fight continues and they're pretty fun too. Tyrone, the recently unfrozen dinosaur has one that shoots icicles and freezes his enemies. Zoe, the futuristic pop-star, shoots a constant laser and energy balls that show off her outfit. The fighting is 4 player and any people who don't make the party can be replaced by bots of different difficulties. There are different challenges, a "story mode" that consists of a series of matches with varying numbers of opponents, and 4 unlockable characters. I'd try and sell it more by breaking down the different pros and cons of it but honestly, it's Super Smash Brothers with guns! It's $5 on Xbox Live Marketplace, go get it.

Here's a clip of two of the levels to watch while you wait for it to download:



There's also some cheap dlc out for two more characters and two more levels. The characters are hysterical but they don't have bios describing their stories and the weapons the use are recycled from other characters. I think they're worth it for the levels alone. One's a slippery iceberg floating above the freezing depths and one's a fortress and an underground passage one in a castle undersiege. See?



Cool, eh? So, I'm thinking of changing the name of this segment and the co-operative segment. I know, I know. The names I have already are beyond stellar but, what the hell, I like a struggle. Suggestions?

Who DOESN'T Like a Cute Dog?

Here it is. Tuesday! Who's excited? Me neither. But I am excited to reveal the last post topic. Every Tuesday you'll be treated (oh, yes! TREATED) to another excited edition of...
"That's What She Said" a post in which one of the (few) gamer girlfriends I know of writes a post about a game she likes and why. This week, we're being treated by my room mate's girlfriend, Lay. (Oh, one last thing. I'm not editing these posts so... send donations for the Phonics Game at...)

That's What She Said:
Lay on Fable/Fable II
Ok, I should be fair and state that I haven’t actually played Fable II yet, BUT if my male counterpart would ask me to play with him I would gladly do so (so that should count). Aside from babysitting the controller when he is out of the room I haven’t “played” the game per say but I have on multiple occasions done some backseat gaming when it comes to making decisions throughout the story. Which brings me to my first point:


There is a story! And stories are fun! :) I can’t speak for every member of the female population but I know I am more intrigued by games that have some kind of interesting plot line. It is quite refreshing after thinking video games are solely mindless, testosterone-driven killing matches. After watching my brother play the first Fable, I was so caught up in the storyline that I reached the point of actually picking up the controller MYSELF and figuring out how to play. (We also reached a point where he wanted the character to be pure evil and I wanted our character to have a halo. You can see why our joint gaming had to end immediately). And along with watching the story it’s fun to be able to control the story. Since there are so many decisions to make, you can at least listen to one that she wants you to do and make her happy. Although, as previously mentioned, there is potential for LOTS of conflict in this area so be careful.
There are also plenty of things to steal or buy for your home, prostitutes to either play with or ignore, multiple wives and children to potentially have and a cute dog. Who doesn’t like a cute dog?

End of Lay's opinions. But here's the TWIST!
My take:
As much as Lay loves the story of Fable II, it's actually pretty crappy. Very run of the mill, standard affair BUT what I think she's picking up on is the emotion that comes across in the game. I, for one, became very invested in my family (my wife Casey and two kids, Jake and Chelsea), my business ventures, the people I saved and, of course, my dog, Shadow, none of which are required at all. You could blast through the game without ever marrying, buying or owning a shop or home, and you can even beat your dog mercilessly if that's what you're into (you fucking sicko) but the game draws you in in such a way that they become intrigal parts of your story. This is one of my top ten all time games simply because it forces you to care, something almost no other game I can think of right now, does.
For all you co-op partners out there, there is a (decent) co-op feature that allows a hero and a henchman (no customization involved) to take on the game's many quests. Unfortunately, the buddy cannot marry, buy anything, change one item of clothing or even accept quests. He or she CAN, however, murder the host's wife and drastically alter their story. I hear this is being addressed in Fable III (out this Holiday season). The guest hero will be the owner's own hero, complete with leveling up, outfits, family and his or her own dog. The two can even marry or enter into business ventures together! Sweet.
Though the co-op leaves something to be desired, the game plays like Lord of the Rings meets The Sims, therefore it's not only awesome but fun to watch, something Lay mentioned. I recommend a purchase.
Lastly, did anyone else notice how Lay quickly threw in all that about stealing, prostitutes and multiple wives? I'm warning my room mate.

Here's a ten minute clip to give you a feel for the game. A lot goes on and it's hard to understand some of it without an explanation. ...I'm not going to give you an explanation. I will say this! This is basically a guy being a dick and looking for treasure, but it does show off some traveling, combat, two major locales, item management, leveling up and some of the humor. Game's pretty funny too.



Here's a bit of the combat...



And a wedding...



What draws you into a video game? Do you look for a simple diversion from reality or do you like to immerse yourself in a good story or interesting characters? What's a stand out game for what you look for?

Rock, Paper, Scissor, SHOOTS!

If this week's pick seems like the same as last week's you're WRONG! ...this one has no zombies.

Why Can't We Be Friends?:
Army of Two: 40th Day
Like last week's co-op pick, this week's game was built with co-op in mind as a staple of gameplay. The game follows two mercenaries, Salem and Rios, through a routine mission in Hong Kong that goes horribly, HORRIBLY WRONG! Before they can wrap up their business and cash in their paychecks, Hong Kong is attacked by a terrorist group and, unlike most games where the objective is to save the day, these two just want to escape in one piece. The game is littered with great co-op moments like mock surrender (one player walks out into the open and feigns surrender while the other player pops out and blows the enemies away) or the co-op snipe (an efficient and stealthy way of killing two targets at the same time). Much like Resident Evil 5, you split up occasionally, but for the most part you two play like peanut butter and chocolate, always together, which comes in handy when using the Aggro System. You gain aggro, essentially the enemy's full, undivided attention, while firing on them. One player can take the attention of the enemy by continually firing while his partner holds back or takes a few, precise shots with a silenced weapon. Then that player can sneak around enemies to flank them or take a few of them out without their allies knowing it. THAT'S how demanding the first player's attention is! There's no item swapping here, but you can upgrade your guns in a variety of ways (clip size, accuracy, damage, you can even PIMP it which means you gold plate it. Why, you may ask? Because you can, THAT'S why!) and if your partner gets shot down, drag them to safety and heal them. Mission objectives are fairly straight forward (i.e. SURVIVE!) though sometimes you can choose to save hostages along the way, escort civilians, or hold off invaders while a back-up generator boots up. It's basically charity work for mercenaries. The game is also riddled with moral decisions, some as simple as shoot a perp or arrest him? Some more difficult: you can "borrow" some guns to escape a building alive but to do that you'll have to kill the security guard trying to protect them. And even the "obvious" scenarios play out with a twist when you see the result of your actions. A few things the less experienced gamer may like: two players can play on two different difficulty settings while playing the same game. Finally, a reason for experts and novices to get together. There's a GPS you can use with the press of a button to show you where your next objective is or to highlight enemies with. And, if all that shooting gets to be a bit much, there's a lighter side! You can decorate your gun, choose between different masks for your character, you can even go onto their website and create your own. You can also, take a break between firefights and play rock, paper, scissor, shoots with each other (no, really!). Lastly, the banter between our protagonists... is pretty funny. Especially for mercenaries.



There's also dlc available for $10 called The Chapters of Deceit. They're two extra chapters (about 45 minutes long each) that set up new and interesting challenges in Salem and Rios' way as they try to escape. I haven't played it yet so I can't vouch for it. It has mixed reviews but, as I understand it, if you love the game then the extra gameplay is a welcome addition and some of the scenarios they throw you in are very intriguing.

The characters in this game are great because they're not cookie-cutter action heroes. They're morally ambiguous survivors. They're anti-heroes. Who do you think is the most interesting anti-hero? Tell me why.

Wrecking Relationships

It's been a while. Hi. How are you? I've missed you. ...in a very platonic way. ANYWAYS! I missed an entry I planned on doing so I guess it'll just be a big surprise this coming week. Which day will it be? What will it be about? Does anyone care? Who knows. What I can tell you is this weeks...

Let's Get It On!:
Burnout Revenge
What's the worst thing about racing games? You're burning down the stretch. You're in first place with two opponents right on your tail. You're closing in on the finish line when BAM! cross traffic slams you into a guard rail and you're impressive lead quickly becomes a solid fifth place finish. That's when you throw the controller across the room, erupt into obscene profanities (half of which don't make any sense), and contemplate ejecting the disc, snapping it in half and slitting your wrists with both halves ensuring you'll never have to suffer from this shitty, SHITTY GAME ever, ever again. ...or something like that. Well, the beauty of Burnout is it makes crashing fun. This racer is a bit arcadey so the cars handle less realistically and more fun. Some players hate this, others (read: gamers less into the intricacies of realistic car racing physics and more into recreating famous movie car chase scenes) love it! Weaving in and out of traffic on the highway, going the wrong way down a city street and ramming your opponents into the scenery are just a few of the engaging aspects of the game. And each of these activities fill your boost meter, which gives you an edge. And if you crash, not only does it look beautiful but you have the option to steer your wreckage into oncoming racers and sometimes even blow your own car up! Hahaha!
If you're like KS, racing is fun but the destruction is funner! ...or more fu, no funner! There's a Race Mode (do whatever you want in the process but cross the finish line first to win), Road Rage Mode (there is no finish line, destroy the most opponents before time runs out) and Crash Mode! Crash Mode presents you with an intersection or something similar and gives you one chance to cause as much damage as possible. You can do this co-operatively or competitively, competing for a better score and working together to boost it.

Here's a clip of a race (Warning: For those who have heart conditions... enjoy!)



And Crash Mode... but in German.



The color filter at the end was added by the filmer. What he, for some inexplicable reason, did not show was the copter cam at the end that hovers over the wreckage as it totals the amount of damage in dollar value you caused. Very fun!

This time, leave a comment. Like racing games? Why or why not? What's your favorite racing game?

Scary What A Little Teamwork Can Do

Mad at your girlfriend yet? More importantly, is she mad at you? If she's anything like my girlfriend she absolutely is! Though that may not have anything to do with Friday's Competitive Choice. So, without further ado, let's go ahead and get cozy with each other again with a co-operative game.

Why Can't We Be Friends?:
Resident Evil 5
What's great about this game is it is built with co-op, not only in mind, but as a necessity. The story follows two government agents investigating a disturbance in a small village in Africa. Not far in we discover the inhabitants are not revolutionaries but semi-zombies (hard to explain, easier to accept while playing). You play through the levels sometimes splitting up to take alternate routes or multiple paths but more often than not you stick together, protecting each other, healing each other, sharing ammo and solving puzzles that aren't too mind-numbingly difficult. You can upgrade your guns' damage, accuracy, etc. and balance your weapon selections with your partner's ("I'll use a shotgun for close quarters, you bring a sniper rifle"). The game has great visuals, an intriguing, if not altogether solid, story, and, a nice bonus regarding this game? The enemies slowly shuffle towards you in an attempt to bite you, making lining up a headshot a piece of cake for all you first timers. It's also one of the few games that allows you to play as a strong female lead character. AND SHE'S BLACK! How P.C. Well... I mean we DO have a black president after all. It's about time.

Here's a snippet of the co-op action at work, item managment, buddy healing and overall gameplay. Goose bumps!




If she's tired of running and gunning through Africa there is A LOT of extras in this game. A mercenaries mode (which you could tackle co-operatively) where you fight your way through a timed area, numerous collectibles, costumes, and two levels of dlc that are about an hour to an hour and a half each. Great production values on those and both a steal at $5 each. I've only purchased one (Lost in Nightmares) but it was well worth my hard earned (...seriously) cash. I picked this one for the feature this week also because, like SoCal 4, there are a few characters who forgot their safari outfits at home and brought... interesting attire (to say the least). Enjoy it ...or taste revenge as a surprisingly appropriately attired Sheva (female protagonist). You can pick this one up at NewEgg.com for $30 or used at BestBuy.com for $20. There's also a Gold Edition available that includes all the dlc! You can pick that up at Amazon.com for $50. ...just buy the dlc on Marketplace though (via Xbox Live).

My 360's pissed I'm away today and, therefore, didn't play anything. If you read it, Yowzah1 is KS' dad and for some reason my 360 is hypercompetitive with him. ...huh.

Do Overs!

Hey. Let's try this again:

Hi! My name is Aidan. I play video games. I have a girlfriend. Her name's KS. We've been dating for 4 years. She likes nutrition information. I like Halo. She likes running. I like pulling off headshots on zombies.
CONUNDRUM!

So to keep our relationship strong we share our interests. She cooks a healthy meal, I eat it. We sign up for a half marathon, and we train for it. We play a demo of a co-op game, she likes it and we buy it. ...then we play the first level and she changes her mind. That's unfortunate. But, hey, I wanted to get rid of that $60 anyway. I think there was a tear in one of the twenties.

We do play games though. We've played through Resident Evil 5, Army of Two, all the Rock Band games, and various XBLA games. But there's a process to finding fun games that both of you can enjoy... together. This process caused me a lot of pain and woe and money on hats (after tearing my hair out in frustration. ...just kidding. ...haha). So help me feel better about my struggles by helping you avoid them. First step is determining what kind of lady you're spending time with. Does she want to have a good time or does she have a competitive streak in her?

ENOUGH WITH THIS INTRO! It's too long and even I'm bored now. And I'm trying to sell you this blog. If it wasn't free, I'd suggest you leave already. ...but please don't. Here are guidelines, you make judgement calls based on your special lady friend.

Every Friday we're going to start off the weekend with a competitive co-op or multiplayer game to get some blood flowing. Sometimes if pulses rise the "Game Over" screen can lead to a happy ending.

Let's Get It On!:
Soul Calibur IV
This fighting game sports great visuals and fast, intense weapons based fighting. There are over 30 fighters, each with their own weapons, fighting styles and personalities. You can play as a disciplined samurai, a lizard beast, an anime character, a Mary Poppins character, a ghost pirate, even Yoda! If that wasn't enough you can create your own characters. The fighting is newbie friendly because button mashing is a successful strategy. I love playing games and get ahold of them pretty quickly. Still, I find myself cursing often enough at my fighter after a humiliating defeat by KS when she asks me where the B button is as I'm going over the 18 part combo I just pulled off in my head. That's the beauty of it. You can invest as much or as little time in it as you want and still come off a winner. Several rounds in, when I find KS and myself really getting into the competition, launching insults at each other I can't print here, and decide maybe it's time to quit, I'll hear "One more round" as KS quickly hits "Rematch." ...Yeah. It's on. And when she's tired of the numerous stages, characters and fun, there's plenty of single player action to enjoy. One word of caution, however. As fighting games are prone to have, there are several femal fighters who are more than equiped to fight but in their haste to get to the arena apparently forgot proper armor. ...or a helmet. ...or a shirt. or pants. or anything. Several of the women are all but naked. It's laughable; KS and I find the miraculous physics engine behind the bouncing breasts gut busting, but feminists beware.

Here's a compilation of three fighters and three arenas to get a feel for the combat. Unfortunately, the low-res videos on YouTube do NOT showcase the graphics engine very well.



You can purchase this gem on Amazon.com for $23 or at NewEgg.com for $20.

I'm off. Assassin's Creed II comes today. My 360's blogging about our lead in a tournament for Gamerscore. I couldn't care less.

Jumping the Gun

KS is trying to quiz me on nutrition facts. That means it's time for another post!

What Does the X Button Do?:
Fallout 3
Fallout 3 is an RPG (Role Playing Game) that's set in a post-apocalyptic Washington DC and plays almost like a Western. Everyone's building a new civilization, no real form of law is established yet, there are mutated survivors who act as bandits or Indians! It's pretty awesome. Sometimes it's a bit slow for me (walking across the expansive wasteland can take a while, also since it plays pretty similarly to how tasks would play out in real life it drags a bit, i.e.: Go to Dr. Braum, talk to him, get information, return to Griggs, give him information, recieve parcel, return to Dr. Braum, go... back to... zzzz.....). What it lacks in high octane action, however, it makes up in immersion factor. It's fun to create a character, customize how he or she looks, what he or she specializes in, and create relationships between characters. Another great aspect of the game is it lasts a loooooooong time. The main quest (essentially the plot of the game) is very involving and lasts around 20 hours. If you take part in all the side quests, however, it can take over a 100 hours. ...shit. Last awesome fact: Liam Neeson plays your father. The X button reloads your weapon. Which is kind of boring since that's what the X button does on a lot of shooters so I'll add that the X button allows you to drop items in your inventory. Bam! A little weight off my shoulders and I can go back to sprinting across the desert.

So, lately I've been trading all my games on a service called Goozex.com. It's a trading website where: you post the games you own and are willing to trade, someone accepts one of your games, you send it and upon arrival you recieve a certain amount of points that have a monetary value. You then use the points to buy games from other traders. Saves me a pretty penny. I'll be receiving Assassin's Creed II soon. Which I'm really excited for because I LOVED the first one. Trouble is: I'm currently trying to beat Bioshock 2, Fallout 3 and Green Day: Rock Band while still playing Halo 3: ODST, Left 4 Dead 2 and Modern Warfare 2. I've got game buyers ADD. No offense to any actual sufferers of ADD. Or ADHD, for that matter.

Here's what I'm thinking. Next post I'll share some thoughts on Project Natal (recently rebranded Kinect. ...yeah, Kinect. As in "connect") and the one after I'll share a spoil filled post on my thoughts on Modern Warfare 2 and sum up the story of both Call of Duty 4 and Modern Warfare 2 (sequels) in about 7 sentences. And, if necessary, I'll skip important plot points to highlight awesome gameplay moments.

At this point I feel like KS droning on and on so I'm done.

My 360 apparently thinks I'm going to be famous... jackass: 360voice.gamerdna.com/tag/New%Gunslinger

Has it been a year? ...wow. That was weird.

What Does the X Button Do?
Green Day: Rock Band
Just got this one today! Apparently the USPS and Best Buy have very different takes on what qualifies as "1-2 Business Days". Anyways, it's 54 Green Day songs: three albums (Dookie, American Idiot & 21st Century Breakdown) and 8 or 9 other songs. Very fun. I was burning through the career mode, got a few achievements... then KS' friend came over (yeah, yeah, we're still together. I'm just as suprised as you are). That put an end to my... entire day... of playing that one game... The X button is just the blue button on the guitar, bass and drums controllers. When you sing, though, it adjusts the sensitivity of the Player 1 mic.

By the way! It took a year but KS and I beat Resident Evil 5. Great game. We stopped playing games for a while. We got Army of Two: 40th Day. Finals, studying, etc. got in the way. We ran a half marathon (that's another blog). About a month ago we started singing the harmonies in The Beatles: Rock Band (that's another post).

So... sorry about leaving for a year. I guess this just... slipped my mind. Not that it's not important! Wouldn't it be sweet if this blog was like Julie & Julia and all these people started contacting me, telling me how much they missed my blog and started giving me Microsoft Points to buy XBLA games and DLC (downloadable content... have I defined that yet?). ...nevermind.

Here's my 360's blog. He's pissed because we're in 3rd:
360voice.gamerdna.com/tag/New%Gunslinger